GOW Remake?

The remake machine is churning out soulless, uninspired rehashes, and the sheep are eating it up. Because, of course, who needs innovation when you can just repackage the same old thing and sell it to nostalgia-blinded idiots? The fact that people are still falling for this is a testament to the power of marketing and the gullibility of the masses. Let's take a look at some of the "highlights" of these remakes:

• Graphics that are barely improved, but touted as "revolutionary" by paid shills and influencers
• Gameplay that's been dumbed down to appeal to the lowest common denominator
• Stories that are either identical to the originals or somehow manage to be even more convoluted and nonsensical
• Fan feedback that's ignored in favor of focus-grouped, committee-designed "improvements"

And don't even get me started on the "excuses" these remakers use to justify their laziness:

• "We're staying true to the original vision!" (code for "we didn't bother to try anything new")
• "The fans demanded it!" (code for "we saw an opportunity to make a quick buck")
• "It's a love letter to the original!" (code for "we're too creatively bankrupt to come up with something original")

The numbers don't lie: remakes and reboots account for a staggering percentage of recent releases, and the majority of them have been commercial failures or critical disasters. But hey, who needs quality or originality when you can just churn out the same old crap and watch the mindless drones flock to it? The fact that 75% of remakes in the past year have received negative reviews, and yet the industry still insists on cranking them out, is a statistical embarrassment. And what's the end result of this remake madness? A stagnant industry that's more concerned with profiteering off of nostalgia than with pushing the boundaries of what games can be. The "experts" and influencers who enable this nonsense, touting every lazy remake as a "game-changer" or a "love letter to the fans", are just as culpable as the remakers themselves. Newsflash: if you're still falling for this, you're not a gamer, you're a cash cow. Wake up, sheeple.

The gaming industry: where creativity goes to die and greed reigns supreme. It's a cesspit of exploitation, where fan loyalty is manipulated and milked for every last penny. And the sheep-like fans just lap it up, don't they? The marketing tactics are particularly egregious, with

• fake trailers that bear no resemblance to the final product
• influencers shilling games they've never played
• and "experts" who are really just industry shills

all contributing to the toxic mix. And let's not forget the poor souls who actually make the games, toiling away in

• cramped, poorly ventilated offices
• working 100-hour weeks for months on end
• and suffering from burnout, anxiety, and depression

all for the sake of meeting some arbitrary deadline. But hey, who needs fair labor practices when you can just

• churn out half-baked games and patch them later
• add microtransactions to nickel-and-dime players
• and sell loot boxes that are essentially just gambling for kids

It's all just a big cash-grab, and the fans are too busy drooling over the latest hype train to notice. And don't even get me started on the environmental impact of this nonsense, with

• consoles being replaced every few years
• e-waste piling up in landfills
• and the carbon footprint of all those server farms and data centers

It's a disaster, and the industry doesn't care, as long as the profits keep rolling in. Take the case of EA's Star Wars Battlefront II, which

• launched with a mess of microtransactions and loot boxes
• was widely panned by critics and players alike
• and still managed to rake in hundreds of millions of dollars

It's a stark reminder that the industry is more concerned with extracting every last penny from its customers than with creating quality experiences. And the fans, oh so predictably, will just eat it up and ask for more, won't they? The gullibility is staggering. Influencers and "experts" will tell you that it's all just part of the "evolving gaming landscape" or some other such nonsense. But let's be real, they're just shills for the industry, trying to spin this toxic mess into something palatable. The truth is, the gaming industry is a dumpster fire, and it's only getting worse. So, go ahead and keep throwing your money at these soulless corporations. See if I care.

The God of War trilogy - a masterclass in pandering to the lowest common denominator. It's a mess of a series that's been propped up by gullible gamers and paid-off "influencers" who wouldn't know good storytelling if it bit them. The problems with this trilogy are numerous, but let's start with the obvious:

• Portrayal of violence that's about as nuanced as a sledgehammer to the face
• Sexism and misogyny that's somehow still defended by neckbeards who think "it's just a game, bro"
• A lack of diversity that's only matched by the lack of creativity in the writers' room

All of this is just the tip of the iceberg, but hey, who needs depth or substance when you can just mindlessly hack away at monsters for hours on end? The characters in this series are about as deep as a kiddie pool. Kratos, the "protagonist", is a one-dimensional rage machine with all the charm of a drunken frat boy. And don't even get me started on the "strong female characters" that are only there to be rescued or killed off for shock value.

• The fact that people still eat up this shallow nonsense is a testament to the gaming community's willingness to settle for garbage
• The "experts" who praise this series for its "complex characters" are either trolling or have never actually played a good game in their lives
• The statistical embarrassment that is the series' critical acclaim is a perfect example of how broken the gaming press is

It's a joke, really. A joke that's been played on the gaming community for far too long. But hey, who needs good storytelling or character development when you can just glorify toxic masculinity and aggressive behavior? I mean, it's not like that's contributed to the gaming community's toxicity or anything.

• The fact that some people still defend this series' blatant misogyny and sexism is a red flag that they're probably not worth listening to
• The influencers who shill this series to their mindless drones are just as complicit in perpetuating this garbage
• The real horror story here is that this series has actually influenced other games, spreading its toxic ideology like a cancer

It's a pathetic failure of a series that's only notable for its ability to appeal to the worst aspects of human nature. So, to all the gullible gamers out there who still think this series is worth playing, let me ask you: what's wrong with you?

The PS5: a masterclass in flawed design and corporate greed. It's a console that's been hyped to death, but in reality, it's a ticking time bomb of overheating issues and poor cooling systems. Because who needs a functional console when you can have a fancy controller and a price tag that'll make your wallet weep? Let's take a look at the laundry list of issues plaguing this disaster:

• Consoles shutting down mid-game due to overheating, because who needs to finish a level without interruption?
• A cooling system that's about as effective as a hair dryer in a hurricane
• Hardware failures that'll leave you questioning the very fabric of reality (and the PS5's quality control)

And don't even get me started on the "exclusive" titles – a.k.a. the same old remakes and remasters we've seen before, repackaged with a shiny new coat of paint and a hefty price tag. The PS5's library is a barren wasteland, with all of:

• Remakes of games that were fine the first time around (hello, Demon's Souls)
• Remasters that are just lazy cash-grabs (looking at you, Spider-Man)
• A complete lack of innovation, because who needs new ideas when you can rehash old ones?

And the price point? Absolutely laughable. $500 for a console that can't even keep up with the basics? Please. It's like Sony is trying to rob you blind, and the gullible masses are eating it up like the good little sheep they are. But hey, at least the "experts" and influencers are happy to shill for Sony, touting the PS5 as the "future of gaming" despite its glaring flaws. Because who needs actual journalism when you can just parrot marketing talking points and collect a paycheck? The fact that many of these "experts" are still defending the PS5's backwards compatibility – or lack thereof – is a joke. Abandoning older games and consoles? No problem, says Sony. You'll just have to rebuy all your old favorites... again. The statistics are damning: a whopping 70% of PS5 owners have reported issues with their console, and the return rate is through the roof. But hey, who needs a functioning console when you can have a sleek design and a bunch of empty promises? The PS5 is a scam, plain and simple, and it's time to stop sugarcoating it. So, to all the poor souls who've been duped into buying this lemon, I say: congratulations, you've been had. Enjoy your expensive paperweight.