Catfish Scam

Joy, let's dive into the dumpster fire that is online dating. Because what's more fun than being lied to, manipulated, and scammed by complete strangers? Most people who claim to have been catfished are probably just lying or attention-seeking, but hey, who needs actual evidence when you've got a sad story to tell? The so-called "victims" of catfishing are often just gullible idiots who can't even be bothered to do a basic Google search on their "lover". Red flags abound, but they're too busy swooning over fake profiles and fabricated stories to notice. Here are some classic examples:

• They only have one or two photos, and they're all suspiciously photoshopped or stolen from someone else's social media.
• Their bio is a generic, cringeworthy mess of clichés and overused quotes.
• They're "traveling" or "working overseas", but somehow have ample time to chat with you 24/7.

Gee, what could possibly go wrong? Real-world examples of catfishing scandals are often exaggerated or fabricated for clicks and views. Take the Manti Te'o debacle, for instance. A star football player gets catfished, and suddenly it's a national news sensation. Meanwhile, actual victims of catfishing are left to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives. But hey, who needs substance when you've got a juicy headline? So-called "experts" and "influencers" are usually just scammers themselves, preying on vulnerable people who are desperate for love and connection. They peddle their snake oil advice and overpriced "services" to anyone who will listen, all while lining their own pockets with cash. Here are some of their favorite lies and excuses:

• "You just need to be more positive and open-minded, and the right person will come along!"
• "It's not your fault, it's just that you're looking for love in all the wrong places!"
• "My foolproof system guarantees you'll find true love in just 30 days – or your money back!"

Yeah, sure, because nothing says "legitimate business" like a money-back guarantee on a dating scam. The reality is that online dating is a minefield of narcissists, sociopaths, and desperate losers. It's a never-ending cycle of disappointment, frustration, and heartbreak. But hey, at least you'll have plenty of horror stories to share with your friends and family. Just don't expect any sympathy from me – you've been warned. Statistical embarrassment awaits:

• 1 in 5 online daters have been catfished or scammed.
• 63% of online daters have lied about their appearance, age, or other personal details.
• The online dating industry rakes in over $3 billion annually, most of which comes from gullible people who think they'll find true love online.

Pathetic failure cases abound, from the woman who sent $10,000 to a "soldier" in Nigeria to the guy who got scammed out of his life savings by a "model" with a fake profile. But don't worry, I'm sure your story will be different. Just keep on swiping, and maybe – just maybe – you'll find true love amidst all the fake profiles and scams. Ha!

Let's get one thing straight: conmen on dating apps are not masterminds, they're just parasites preying on the desperate and naive. Their "tactics" are nothing more than a laundry list of tired, obvious scams that only work on people who are willfully ignorant. Some of the most egregious examples include:

• Using stolen photos and fake profiles to lure in victims
• Spewing generic, overly flattering messages to hook people in
• Claiming to be a "successful businessperson" or "traveling entrepreneur" to gain trust
• Asking for money or personal info under the guise of "helping" or "getting to know" you

These aren't clever tricks – they're just basic, lazy attempts to exploit human weaknesses. And if you fall for them, congratulations, you're a statistic in the never-ending saga of online stupidity. The numbers are staggering: according to the FTC, Americans lost over $300 million to romance scams in 2020 alone. That's $300 million worth of people who thought they were "in love" with someone they'd never met, or who believed that a "Nigerian prince" was genuinely interested in their bank account. It's a national embarrassment, and a testament to the boundless gullibility of the human species. And don't even get me started on the "experts" and influencers who claim to have "insights" into the world of online dating. They're just as bad as the scammers themselves, peddling worthless advice and overpriced "consulting services" to people who are already getting taken for a ride. Newsflash: if someone is trying to sell you a " foolproof" way to avoid online scams, they're probably just trying to scam you themselves. The fact is, if you're getting "catfished" or scammed online, it's not because the conman is clever – it's because you're an easy mark. You're the kind of person who thinks that a stranger on the internet is genuinely interested in your life, or that a "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity" is just a click away. Well, let me tell you, those opportunities don't exist, and neither do the people who claim to be offering them. So, go ahead and keep sending your money to "Nigeria" – I'm sure it'll be worth it.

The blissful ignorance of online dating enthusiasts is almost palpable. They genuinely believe that a few witty one-liners and a filtered selfie can lead to true love. Newsflash: it can't. The internet is a cesspool of humanity's worst, and dating apps are the sewage system that collects all the toxic waste. The anonymity of the internet is not just a minor issue, it's a breeding ground for psychopaths, narcissists, and other toxic personalities who can't get a date in real life. They thrive in this environment, where they can curate a fake persona and prey on the gullible. And don't even get me started on the "experts" who claim that online dating is a great way to meet new people. What a joke. These self-proclaimed gurus are either clueless or complicit in the scam. Here are just a few examples of the horrors that await you in the world of online dating:

• Catfishing: where someone uses a fake profile to lure in victims, often with devastating consequences. Like the woman who sent $10,000 to a "US soldier" in Afghanistan, only to discover he was a Nigerian scammer.
• Ghosting: where someone disappears without warning, leaving you wondering what you did wrong. Because clearly, it's your fault that they lost interest after a few days of shallow conversations.
• Love bombing: where someone showers you with excessive attention and affection, only to reveal their true toxic nature once you're hooked. Like the guy who convinced his girlfriend to quit her job and move in with him, only to become controlling and abusive.

And let's not forget the statistics. According to the FBI, online dating scams have resulted in over $1 billion in losses since 2015. Yes, you read that right. $1 billion. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. The real number is likely much higher, since many victims are too ashamed to report their experiences. But hey, who needs statistics when you have influencers and "experts" peddling their nonsense to gullible audiences? They'll tell you that online dating is a great way to meet new people, that it's all about being positive and open-minded. Give me a break. These people are either paid shills or delusional. The truth is, online dating is a minefield of toxic personalities, scams, and disappointments. So, go ahead and swipe right. See if I care. Just don't say I didn't warn you.