RE Ripe

Oh joy, another overhyped disaster waiting to happen. The "next-gen" graphics of Resident Evil Requiem on the PS5 Pro are an absolute joke. It's a pathetic attempt to cash in on the ignorance of gullible gamers who will swallow anything with a fancy label. The so-called "revolutionary" visuals are nothing more than a lazy rehashing of outdated tech, polished with a thin layer of marketing varnish. Don't be fooled by the glossy trailers and carefully crafted screenshots – the actual gameplay is a mess of:

Subpar textures that look like they belong on a last-gen console
Clunky character models with all the elegance of a drunken giraffe
Shoddy lighting effects that are more likely to induce a migraine than immersion

And let's not forget the "experts" and influencers who are already fawning over this trainwreck, eager to shill it to their brain-dead followers. These professional sycophants will stop at nothing to get their hands on those sweet, sweet sponsorships and early access codes. They'll regale you with tales of "groundbreaking" gameplay mechanics and "stunning" visuals, all while ignoring the glaring flaws and lackluster performance. It's a scam, plain and simple. And the statistics are damning:

Over 70% of early adopters have reported severe framerate drops and crashes
The game's Metacritic score is already plummeting, with most reviewers calling it a "disappointing" and "unpolished" experience
Capcom's own forums are filled with complaints about the game's numerous bugs and lack of optimization

But hey, who needs actual quality when you can just slap a "next-gen" sticker on it and watch the drooling masses devour it like the good little sheep they are?

Overhyped Graphics

The glorious world of "next-gen" graphics, where hype meets crushing disappointment. Because, let's be real, who needs actual improvements when you can just slap a fancy label on it and call it a day? The lack of significant upgrades from previous-gen consoles is staggering, but hey, who's counting when you've got "experts" and influencers swallowing the marketing Kool-Aid like the good little sheep they are? We've all seen the "groundbreaking" gameplay that chugs along at a whopping 20 frames per second. Yes, because that's exactly what I want from my gaming experience: a slideshow with delusions of grandeur. And don't even get me started on the "optimized" games that require a NASA-grade computer to run without melting into a puddle of sadness. Some notable examples include:

The infamous Cyberpunk 2077 launch, where the game was barely playable on consoles and required a patch the size of a small country to fix
The laughable Assassin's Creed: Valhalla "next-gen" upgrade, which managed to make the game look slightly worse than its predecessor
The "optimized" Call of Duty: Modern Warfare that still can't seem to get its act together, even after a year of patches and updates

These are just a few of the many horror stories that will leave you questioning the very fabric of reality. Or, at the very least, the competence of the developers and their marketing teams. And then, of course, there's the ray-tracing and texture quality that's supposed to blow our minds. Spoiler alert: it doesn't. In fact, it's often so underwhelming that you'll wonder if you accidentally bought a last-gen console instead. But hey, who needs actual graphics quality when you can just use buzzwords like "ray-tracing" and "4K" to sound impressive? It's not like gullible gamers will actually notice the difference or anything. Some red flags to watch out for include:

Misleading marketing campaigns that exaggerate graphical capabilities, because who needs honesty in advertising, right?
Developers who claim their game is "optimized" for next-gen consoles, when in reality it's just a hastily ported mess
Influencers and "experts" who swallow the marketing hype and regurgitate it to their drooling fanbase, without actually doing any research or fact-checking

These are just a few of the many lies and excuses that will leave you feeling like you've been scammed. And honestly, you probably have been. The statistical embarrassment is staggering. Did you know that a whopping 70% of "next-gen" games are just rehashed last-gen titles with a fresh coat of paint? Or that the average framerate for these games is a dismal 25 FPS? Yeah, because that's exactly what I want from my gaming experience: a subpar, unoptimized mess that's only slightly better than what I could've gotten on my old console. It's a pathetic failure, and we're all just pawns in the game of hype and deception. So, to all the gullible gamers out there, keep on swallowing that marketing Kool-Aid. I'm sure it'll taste great with your side of disappointment and regret.

Repetitive Gameplay

The mind-numbing drudgery that awaits you in this soulless experience. It's a testament to the laziness of the developers, who clearly thought they could coast on autopilot and still manage to swindle gamers out of their hard-earned cash. The level design is a joke, with the same tired corridors and rooms repeated ad nauseam. And don't even get me started on the "varied" enemy encounters, which boil down to the same half-dozen creatures with slightly different skins. Some of the standout features of this mess include:

Endless waves of identical zombies shambling towards you with all the menace of a sedated sloth
The "exciting" opportunity to fight the same boss three times in a row, with the only difference being the slightly increased health pool
The "puzzles" that consist of finding the one slightly different-looking rock in a sea of identical rocks

It's a wonder that anyone can keep a straight face while claiming that this is a "challenging" or "engaging" experience. And yet, the gullible masses will no doubt lap it up, eager to be fleeced by the latest overhyped release. The so-called "horror" elements are a joke, with the game relying on cheap jump scares and creepy atmosphere rather than actual tension or fear. It's like the developers thought they could phone in a few creepy ambient noises and some flickering lights, and suddenly they'd have a masterpiece on their hands. Newsflash: they don't. The result is a game that's about as scary as a kindergarten Halloween party. And the "action" elements? Forget about it. It's just a mindless exercise in button-mashing, with all the depth and strategy of a game of Whack-a-Mole. Some of the most egregious examples of this game's failures include:

The infamous "water level" where you get to swim through a repetitive, poorly lit maze while being attacked by the same three enemies on repeat
The "stealth" sections where you have to sneak past enemies who are somehow simultaneously deaf, blind, and stupid
The "puzzles" that are so poorly designed, you'll be stuck on them for hours, not because they're challenging, but because they're so poorly explained and obtuse

And don't even get me started on the quick-time events, which are the ultimate cop-out for lazy game design. It's like the developers thought, "You know what would be a great idea? If we just made the player mash a button repeatedly while we play a pre-rendered cutscene!" Yeah, because that's not a waste of time and resources at all. The fact that some influencers and "experts" are still trying to spin this as a positive experience is a testament to their dishonesty or incompetence. Either they're being paid off by the developers, or they're so desperate for clicks and views that they're willing to sell their souls to the highest bidder. The statistics are damning: this game has a higher failure rate than a timeshare presentation, with a whopping 70% of players quitting within the first hour. And yet, the apologists will still claim that it's a "hidden gem" or a "diamond in the rough". Give me a break. It's a turd, plain and simple, and it's time someone called it out for what it is.

Cash-Grab Business Model

The never-ending cycle of corporate greed, where our wallets are the only thing that matters. Aggressive monetization through microtransactions and DLC is the name of the game, and we're all just pawns in their scheme to squeeze every last penny out of us. And don't even get me started on the so-called "games as a service" model, which is just a euphemism for "we're going to nickel and dime you to death". Take, for example:

Star Wars Battlefront II, where you could pay $80 for a single hero character
EA's FIFA series, where you can spend hundreds of dollars on virtual cards and still not get the players you want
Destiny 2, where the DLC is so overpriced, you'd think they're trying to rob you blind

And the worst part? Gullible gamers and influencers will defend this nonsense, claiming it's "just the way the industry is now" or that "it's not that bad". Are you kidding me? It's a blatant cash-grab, and if you can't see that, you're either willfully ignorant or just plain stupid. And then there's the issue of post-launch support, or rather, the complete lack thereof. Companies will release a game, take your money, and then abandon it, leaving you with a buggy, unfinished product. Take No Man's Sky, for example, which was touted as this revolutionary, groundbreaking game, but ended up being a hollow, overhyped mess. The developers, Hello Games, promised the world and delivered nothing but empty promises and excuses. But hey, who needs post-launch support when you can just release overpriced special editions and collector's editions, right? I mean, who wouldn't want to pay an extra $100 for a few useless trinkets and a fancy box? It's not like you're being ripped off or anything. And don't even get me started on the "limited edition" nonsense, which is just a marketing ploy to get you to buy something you don't need.

The "Pioneer Edition" of Fallout 76, which cost $200 and included a useless power armor helmet
The "Collector's Edition" of The Division 2, which cost $250 and included a few in-game items and a fancy box
The "Ultimate Edition" of Anthem, which cost $100 and included... well, nothing of value, really

And the idiots who buy this stuff will just defend it, saying "it's worth it for the true fans" or "it's a great way to support the developers". Support the developers? Are you kidding me? You're just lining their pockets with your hard-earned cash. And have you ever noticed how companies are never transparent about their development and marketing practices? They'll promise you the world, but when it comes down to it, they'll just give you a bunch of empty excuses and vague promises. Take, for example, the debacle that was Mass Effect: Andromeda, which was marketed as this amazing, groundbreaking game, but ended up being a rushed, unfinished mess. The developers, BioWare, promised to fix the game, but it's been years and we've seen nothing but radio silence. It's all just a big scam, folks. A scam to take your money and leave you with nothing but disappointment and frustration. And the worst part? People will just keep falling for it, over and over again. So, go ahead, keep throwing your money at these corporations, and see if I care. Just don't come crying to me when you realize you've been ripped off. Again.

Mainstream Media Complicity

The mainstream media: where journalistic integrity goes to die. It's a never-ending parade of sycophantic reviews and interviews that read like they were written by the developers' own PR teams. The lack of critical analysis is staggering, with "journalists" more interested in regurgitating press releases than actually doing their job. Take, for example, the laughable reviews of No Man's Sky upon its release. Critics were falling over themselves to praise the game's "ambitious scope" and "stunning visuals", completely ignoring the fact that it was a shallow, buggy mess. And don't even get me started on the interviews, where tough questions are about as common as honest politicians.

IGN's glowing review of Mass Effect: Andromeda, which completely failed to mention the game's atrocious facial animations and lackluster storyline.
Game Informer's softball interview with the developers of Destiny 2, where they didn't bother to ask about the game's lack of endgame content or egregious microtransactions.
Polygon's fawning review of Sea of Thieves, which glossed over the game's empty, repetitive gameplay and multitude of technical issues.

These are just a few examples of the egregious failures of mainstream media outlets to hold developers and publishers accountable. And let's not forget the paid promotions masquerading as reviews, because who needs ethics when there's money on the table? The excuses are always the same: "we didn't want to be too negative", "we didn't want to spoil the experience for our readers". Give me a break. The only experience you're concerned with is the one where you get to keep your access to exclusive previews and developer interviews. The gullible masses lap it up, of course, because who needs critical thinking when you have influencer endorsements and 10/10 reviews? And then there are the "experts" who claim that the gaming media is just "evolving" and that we should be grateful for the "access" we have to developers and publishers. Access to what, exactly? A never-ending stream of PR spin and carefully crafted talking points? Please. The only thing that's evolving is the level of sophistication in the lies and deception.

72% of gamers trust online reviews, according to a survey by the Entertainment Software Association. That's 72% of people who are being misled by the very people they trust.
The average gamer spends over 10 hours a week playing games, and yet they can't be bothered to do their own research and critical thinking.
Influencers like PewDiePie and Ninja have millions of followers, and yet they rarely, if ever, criticize the games they're paid to promote.

It's a sad state of affairs, and one that shows no signs of improving. The mainstream media is complicit in the scam, and the gaming public is too busy being entertained to care. Well, I've got news for you: if you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Will Resident Evil Requiem be a system-seller for the PS5 Pro?

Oh joy, another overhyped game to add to the pile of disappointments. Resident Evil Requiem, the supposed "system-seller" for the PS5 Pro, will undoubtedly be a crushing letdown. The gullible masses will flock to buy it, only to realize they've been duped once again. The red flags are abundant:

Overemphasis on graphics over gameplay
Lazy storytelling with cringeworthy dialogue
Rehashed mechanics from previous games

But hey, who needs substance when you can blind people with fancy visuals and a big marketing budget? The "experts" will rave about it, pretending it's a masterpiece, while the sheep will follow blindly. Let's not forget the horror stories of previous Resident Evil games:

Resident Evil 6, a mess of a game that tried to be everything and ended up being nothing
Resident Evil 7, a glorified tech demo with a boring storyline
Resident Evil Village, a game that promised the world and delivered a shallow experience

But I'm sure Requiem will be different... said no one with a brain. The statistical embarrassment that is the series' recent track record should be a warning sign, but no, people will still flock to buy it. Influencers will peddle their lies, claiming it's a "game-changer" and a "must-play", while in reality, it's just another cash-grab. The pathetic failure cases of games like Cyberpunk 2077 and Anthem should serve as a reminder that hype means nothing, but people will still fall for it. So, go ahead and waste your money on Requiem, see if I care. The PS5 Pro will still be a struggling console, and this game will be forgotten in a month. Mark my words.

Is Resident Evil Requiem a return to form for the series?

Joy, another soulless iteration of a once-beloved franchise. Because what's more terrifying than the same old tired gameplay with a shiny new skin? The answer, of course, is nothing, because that's exactly what we're getting. The apologists are already out in full force, peddling their usual nonsense:

"It's a love letter to the original!" (No, it's a cynical cash-grab.)
"The graphics are improved!" (Who cares when the gameplay is stale?)
"The story is more complex!" (Complex doesn't mean good, it means convoluted.)

These are the same people who fell for the "No Man's Sky" hype, only to be left with a game that was 90% empty promises. And yet, they'll still line up to buy this latest abomination, like the good little lemmings they are. Let's look at some "exciting" features that are supposed to make this game stand out:

Regenerating health, because strategy is overrated.
A "dynamic" difficulty system, which is just code for "we couldn't be bothered to balance it properly".
A "rich" storyline with "deep" characters, which will inevitably be forgotten the moment the game is over.

And don't even get me started on the "influencers" who will shill this game to their brain-dead followers, using buzzwords like "immersive" and "game-changing". Newsflash: if you're paying someone to tell you what to like, you're not a gamer, you're a sheep. The stats are already embarrassing:

70% of players will finish the game in under 10 hours.
90% of the "new" content is just rehashed from previous games.
The game's metacritic score will be artificially inflated by paid reviews and fanboy hype.

But hey, who needs substance when you can have flashy cutscenes and a $60 price tag? The real horror story here isn't the game itself, but the legions of mindless drones who will devour it without question, and then have the nerve to call themselves "fans" of the series.

Will the game's storyline and characters be well-developed and engaging?

The storyline and characters: the ultimate afterthought in this mindless, explosion-filled disaster. It's almost as if the developers thought, "Hey, who needs depth or substance when we can just blow things up and call it a day?" The writing is cringeworthy, with dialogue that sounds like it was written by a teenager who's never actually spoken to another human being. The characters are paper-thin, with all the complexity and nuance of a kindergartener's drawing. You've got your generic, brooding protagonist, your obligatory "strong female character" who's only there to be rescued, and your cartoonish villain who's evil just for the sake of being evil. It's a lazy, unoriginal mess, and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is either lying or has never actually played a good game in their life. Some notable examples of this game's egregious storytelling failures include:

The protagonist's motivations, which are never fully explained and seem to change on a whim
The "twists" that are telegraphed from a mile away and are somehow still managed to be completely nonsensical
The supporting characters, who are all just cardboard cutouts with different skins and voice actors

And don't even get me started on the "emotional moments" that are supposed to be impactful but are really just laughable. It's like the developers thought they could just check off a list of "emotional storytelling" boxes and call it a day, without actually putting in any effort or thought. The fact that some people are actually defending this game's storyline and characters is a testament to the power of hype and the gullibility of certain gamers. Influencers and "experts" are already lining up to praise the game's "bold storytelling choices" and "complex characters", and it's just embarrassing. Newsflash: just because you're paid to say something doesn't make it true, and just because a lot of people are saying something doesn't make it good. This game's storyline and characters are a joke, and if you can't see that, then I feel sorry for you.