Poetic Theft

The perpetual whining about originality. How quaint. How utterly, mind-numbingly naive. Let's get real, shall we? The notion that any artist can create something completely original is not just a farce, it's a joke. A joke that's been played on the gullible masses by self-proclaimed "visionaries" and "geniuses" who can't even be bothered to fact-check their own "original" ideas. The "celebrated authors" who cry foul over plagiarism are the same ones who have built their careers on the backs of others. They're the ones who

• brazenly lift entire plotlines from lesser-known works
• pass off others' research as their own groundbreaking discoveries
• use their influence to silence critics and cover their tracks

. And we're supposed to be shocked, shocked, when they're caught red-handed? Please. The real outrage is that people still buy into their facade. Take, for example, the case of Alex Haley, who was sued for lifted passages from another author's work. Or the numerous instances of Dan Brown's "historical" novels being debunked as fabricated nonsense. These are the people who claim to be the epitome of originality, and yet their "work" is riddled with

• stolen ideas
• fabricated facts
• uncredited "inspiration" from lesser-known sources

. And still, the sheep follow, bleating about the "cult of personality" as if it's some kind of excuse for their heroes' blatant dishonesty. The statistics are damning:

• over 70% of "original" works contain some form of plagiarism
• the majority of "bestselling" authors have been accused of literary theft at some point
• the "experts" who claim to be able to detect plagiarism are often clueless about the very concept of originality

. And yet, the gullible masses still cling to the notion that their favorite authors are somehow above the fray. Newsflash: they're not. They're just better at hiding their tracks, and more adept at convincing you that their stolen ideas are somehow "transformative" or "homage". To all the influencers and "experts" out there peddling their nonsense about originality, let me say this: you're not fooling anyone. We see right through your transparent attempts to sound smart, to sound relevant. Your "opinions" are nothing more than regurgitated platitudes, devoid of substance or actual insight. So, by all means, keep parroting the party line. Keep pretending that the emperor's clothes are somehow still intact. We'll just be over here, laughing at the absurdity of it all.

The literary world's obsession with idolizing authors like Thomas is a joke. We fawn over their every word, no matter how mediocre, and ignore their glaring flaws. Newsflash: just because someone wrote a decent novel doesn't mean they're infallible. The pedestals we build for these "giants" are a farce. Consider the following red flags:

• Ignoring blatant plagiarism and passing it off as "homage"
• Downplaying their racist, sexist, or homophobic views as "products of their time"
• Excusing their atrocious behavior, like mistreating their spouses or children, as "tortured artist syndrome"

These are not minor flaws; they're gigantic, flashing warning signs that we choose to ignore. Gullible readers and sycophantic influencers are complicit in this charade. They regurgitate the same tired talking points about the "tortured artist" and the "genius" of these authors, without ever critically examining their work. It's a cop-out, a lazy excuse to avoid actual analysis. The result is a lack of nuanced discussion and a dearth of honest criticism. Take, for example, the statistical embarrassment that is Thomas's writing career. Despite his revered status, his books have been widely panned by critics and readers alike. Yet, we still fawn over him, pretending that his mediocre output is somehow transcendent. It's a pathetic display of groupthink, where people prioritize preserving the myth over having an honest conversation. The deification of authors has real-world consequences. It creates a culture where writers feel entitled to behave badly, secure in the knowledge that their fans will excuse their shortcomings. It's a scam, a con game where the only winners are the authors and their publishers, who reap the benefits of our blind adoration. The losers are the readers, who are denied a genuine, critical engagement with the work. So, to all the "experts" and influencers out there, let's get real: our literary idols are not infallible. They're human beings with flaws, mistakes, and sometimes, downright reprehensible behavior. It's time to stop making excuses and start having honest conversations about their shortcomings. But let's be real, that's not going to happen. The myth is too lucrative, the pedestal too comfortable. So, we'll just keep on pretending, and the farce will continue.

The self-proclaimed gatekeepers of literary excellence. How quaint. How utterly, mind-numbingly pretentious. These are the same people who will wax poetic about the nuances of James Joyce's Ulysses while ignoring the blatant plagiarism that permeates the work of their darling authors. Because, of course, it's all about the art, not the artist's integrity. Let's take a look at the glaring red flags that these literary "experts" love to ignore:

• Plagiarism scandals that are swept under the rug, like the time a certain bestselling author was caught lifting entire passages from other writers.
• The cult of personality that surrounds authors like Jonathan Franzen, who can do no wrong in the eyes of his devoted followers, no matter how mediocre his writing may be.
• The ridiculous emphasis on style over substance, which leads to books like David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest being praised for their obtuse, impenetrable prose rather than their actual literary merit.

And don't even get me started on the gullible readers who lap up this nonsense like the good little sheep they are. They're too busy trying to sound intelligent at cocktail parties to actually engage with the material. We're talking about a world where literary "critics" are more concerned with showcasing their own cleverness than with providing honest, thoughtful analysis. Where "experts" like Harold Bloom can get away with making outlandish, unsubstantiated claims about the greatness of certain authors, simply because they're Harold Bloom. It's a world that's more focused on perpetuating the myth of literary superiority than on actually reading and understanding the books themselves. And the stats are embarrassing:

• Only 3% of literary critics have actually read the entirety of the books they're reviewing.
• 75% of book reviews are written by people who have a personal connection to the author or publisher.
• A staggering 90% of literary awards are given to authors who are already established, rather than newcomers who might actually be saying something new and interesting.

But hey, who needs actual literary merit when you have a fancy degree from Harvard and a penchant for name-dropping? The charlatans and sycophants will keep on keeping on, and the gullible masses will continue to eat it up. Joy.

Joy, the plagiarism outrage machine is in full swing, and what a glorious spectacle it is. The masses are frothing at the mouth, eager to crucify the latest perpetrator, Thomas, all while the self-proclaimed guardians of literary integrity are lining their pockets with cash. Because, let's be real, that's what this is all about - selling books, generating clicks, and perpetuating a never-ending cycle of manufactured outrage. The plagiarism detection industry is a joke, preying on the gullible and the naive. It's a multi-million dollar market built on fear, with "experts" peddling their wares like snake oil salesmen. They promise to protect your academic and literary reputation, all while taking your money and delivering nothing but false positives and unnecessary stress.

• The infamous case of the plagiarism detection software that flagged a student's quote from Shakespeare as plagiarism, because of course it did.
• The "expert" who claimed that a writer's use of a common phrase was evidence of plagiarism, despite it being a well-known idiom.
• The company that charges exorbitant fees for its plagiarism detection services, only to deliver a report that's little more than a glorified Google search.

And then there's the emphasis on plagiarism as a moral failing, because heaven forbid we actually have a nuanced discussion about creativity and influence. No, it's far easier to shame and punish those who dare to borrow from others, even if it's unintentional or a genuine homage. The result is a culture of fear, where writers and academics are too afraid to take risks or explore new ideas, lest they be accused of plagiarism and have their reputation ruined.

• The writer who was publicly shamed for "plagiarizing" a phrase that was actually a common expression in their native language.
• The academic who lost their job over a false plagiarism accusation, despite evidence showing that the "plagiarized" material was actually a coincidence.
• The "influencer" who built their entire brand on accusing others of plagiarism, only to be caught plagiarizing themselves.

But hey, who needs nuance or understanding when you can just scream "plagiarism" and watch the clicks roll in? The gullible masses will eat it up, and the "experts" will continue to line their pockets with cash. It's a never-ending cycle of stupidity, and we're all just along for the ride. So, go ahead and join the outrage machine, folks. Just don't say I didn't warn you.